The Sikh Wedding: Pre-Ceremonies

Take a moment to picture a home with light pouring from the windows as laughter and music dances out from under the door. If you were to take a look inside, you would be able to see colors everywhere; decorating not only the furniture, but the people using that furniture as well! Smiles spread across each face as family members and friends surround two people who are clearly in love as they share delicious food and form precious memories with one another. 

This fun-filled scene is what a Punjabi pre-wedding celebration may look like.

In India, many of the Punjabi embrace Sikh culture and reflect its beautiful traditions not only within their daily lives, but within life’s big moments as well- such as weddings, for example. This rich culture revolves around a belief that states the fastest way to a full and peaceful life is through giving and receiving love. Despite the fact that Sikhism boasts some of the most impressive warriors in Indian history, this culture also holds marriage and family in extremely high esteem. This is because such bonds are seen as the key to being brought ever closer to Divine Love.

It’s easy to determine how this understanding of relationships can create an environment where weddings reflect the equal union and purpose for both men and women. Celebrating through song, dance, and- of course- prayer, the lavish Sikh culture and Punjabi traditions make the entire wedding process absolutely enchanting.

Planning Process: The Months and Weeks Building Up to the Wedding Day

As one can imagine, with so many traditions to take part in, couples need lots of opportunity to prepare for their big event. Not to mention time to enjoy each and every moment along the way! 

So, because of this need for extra elbow room, Punjabi wedding ceremonies can actually start as little as five to ten days before the main wedding event; and this doesn’t include the six months to a year that is typically allotted for planning the entire ordeal. 

Although couples can choose to have as simple- or as complex- of a wedding experience as they’d like, there is no doubt that if a Punjabi wedding is taking place, it’s going to be a fun-filled experience! 

So, let’s dive in and see what makes up each of the Sikh/Punjabi wedding ceremonies and their traditions.

Roka and Thaka (Parental Acceptance)

This first ceremony is considered one of the most important in the entire lineup of Punjabi traditions. This is because parental consent means everything when it comes to choosing a potential life partner. Regardless of whether the bride and groom have chosen each other or if the marriage has been arranged, parents on both sides of the potential union must agree to the match before any official wedding plans can begin.

Although this may seem like a potential barrier to wedding progress, the Roka and Thaka traditions actually work to highlight the involvement of family and celebrate the support that they provide. Traditionally, these ceremonies are performed either on the day of the engagement ceremony (Kurmai) or a few days before. 

Blessing the Couple

During the Roka (or Shagun) ceremony, the bride’s father will visit the groom’s house. Upon his arrival, he will offer a blessing by applying a tilak on the groom’s forehead and presenting gifts such as sweets, money, and clothing. Traditionally, the bride is not present during this ceremony and it is the acceptance of the groom by the bride’s family. 

A similar practice, known as the Thaka ( or Chunni Chadana) is performed by the groom’s parents for the bride where she is given gifts such as jewelry, make up, and a red dress which is to be worn on her wedding day. The bride’s blessing is received through the act of a dupatta or chunni (which is a long, sacred scarf) being draped over her head. Similar to the Roka, the groom is not traditionally present at this ceremony and it is the acceptance of the bride by the groom’s family. 

- What to Wear 

Since this event typically just takes place in the company of family, there is no reason to get too fancy with the attire (unless you want to, of course)! Typically, a Salwar Kameez (or suit) in a simple and light color- such as a pastel pink or yellow- paired with minimal makeup will be perfect for ladies. If wearing jewelry, it is best to limit the amount to just a few of your favorite pieces. 

For men, try a comfortable pair of slacks and kurta (loose, collarless shirt) for a simple yet classic- appearance.

Kurmai or Mangni/Sagai (Official Engagement)

After the parents have accepted the union of their children, the Kurmai ceremony comes into play. This event is typically scheduled months before the wedding and allows family and friends to gather either at the groom’s house, or a nearby gurudwara, to celebrate the good news!

Let the Festivities Begin 

During the Kurmai, a priest (or Granthi) will offer a prayer to start off the event. Following this prayer, the bride is traditionally fed milk and rice by the groom’s family while the bride’s family presents the groom with two gifts; a Kara, which is the steel bangle that Sikh men wear, and a small knife, which is meant to remind him of the Sikh’s heroic background. 

A red scarf will then be wrapped across the groom’s shoulders and around his neck while some dried dates are placed into his hands. The bride’s grandfather then offers his blessing by feeding these dates to the groom per the Granthi’s instruction. With celebratory congratulations, the now engaged bride and groom will exchange rings, thus completing the Sagai and making the match official!

Once the formalities are all over, food and drink will be brought out for everyone present to enjoy. 

- What to Wear 

Considering this ceremony is one of the first “grand” events in the wedding line up, a more elaborate outfit selection is encouraged.

Women can feel gorgeous in a non-wedding color lehenga (long ankle-length skirt with embroidery) that is paired with jewelry of their choice. Pink, peach, light green, or blue are excellent color options. 

For men, a kurta and slacks combo in pink, peach, light green, blue, or yellow can be a fashionable, yet comfortable option. Alternatively, a modern suit can be utilized if desired.

Akhand Paath (Reading of the Guru Granth Sahib)

While at times the wedding date may be fixed before the Kurmai, it is more traditional for the Akhand Paath to occur before the official date is chosen. This event is all about focusing on the importance of religion and encouraging the bride and groom to follow a more pious way of living. 

The Reading 

Typically for this ritual, the bride and groom will gather within their individual dwellings, surrounded by immediate family. Over the course of 48 hours, readers within the family will sit down and read the Guru Granth Sahib aloud to everyone else. The non-readers will assist the readers by providing food and water to keep them going.

- What to Wear 

Comfortable, casual clothing will be best to wear during this event as both bride and groom will be in the presence of family over a 48 hour period. Feel free to dress up at the beginning or end if you would like, however there is no need to go overboard if you don’t feel like it! Try a lovely Salwar Kameez in non-wedding colors for women and a kurta with slacks or jeans for men.

Kirtan (Musical Performance)

Music is an extremely important element when it comes to Sikh culture. It is tradition for at least one of these ceremonies to occur before the official wedding day. During the Kirtan, which is a performance of religious music, the bride and groom will have a group of experienced musicians from the gurudwara come to their residence, either individually or within the same location. These musicians are known as Raagis and they will perform Girbani (or hymns), which are typically accompanied by tabla (small hand drums) or harmoniums (reed organ). 

- What to Wear

Similar to the Kurmai, this event is one that celebrates religious tradition so it is an excellent opportunity to wear elegant attire. A lehenga paired with simple jewelry for women and a kurta with slacks for men is perfect for the occasion. Try to steer clear of traditional wedding colors (pink or peach is as close as it should get), but any other color can work. 

Sangeet or Dholki (Celebration of Dance) 

While the Kirtan is religious and ceremonial, the Sangeet (or Dholki) is all about fun and celebration! Typically put on by the bride’s family, this event used to be mostly just women who would get together to exchange stories and enjoy festive folk music (somewhat like a bridal shower in American wedding culture). The groom and a few of his family members may have been invited, but that wasn’t the norm on most occasions.

Modern Tradition

Today, the Sangeet is basically a giant gala where both sides of the family are invited to join together for a massive celebration.

Filled with music, dance, good food, and laughter this event is no doubt a party to last the ages! Aside from enjoying jokes and stories about the couple, individuals of the group will often work with experts to choreograph elaborate dance numbers to provide entertainment during the event. In fact more often than not, the bride and groom themselves will get in on the fun to create their own couple dance or dance-off.

Overall, the Sangeet is such a great way for friends and family to get better acquainted with each other, all while celebrating the couple’s upcoming union.

- What to Wear

Since we know that a lot of dancing and moving around will be happening during this event, it is a good idea to avoid dressing in material that is too heavy or hot. Instead of going for an elegant, traditional dress, an excellent alternative may be something made of lighter material- such as chiffon or georgette.

For the fellas, a cotton or linen kurta-pajama would be a fabulous option to keep you cool and stylish while rocking it on the dance floor. 

Ardas (Offering of prayers), Karak Prasad and Langar (Community Meal)

Throughout the weeks that precede the wedding festivities, the families of the couple (along with the bride and groom themselves) will often visit the gurudwara to offer prayers. As it gets closer and closer to the big day, these prayers will then turn into a daily event. 

The Ceremonial Practice

Before anyone even enters the gurudwara, it is required for heads to be covered along with the hands and feet of visitors to be thoroughly washed. Once the family enters the prayer hall, the Guru Granth Sahib will be opened to a random page for it to be read while prayers are recited aloud. 

Community Meal

After all the prayers have been said, it is time to enjoy a meal all together! Typically a Prasad containing semolina, flour, nuts, and some ghee will be made while at the gurudwara. This sweet treat will then be passed out to those who are in attendance that day and the meal known as Langar will begin. 

- What to Wear 

As this is typically a semi-formal event, a few ideas for attire could include a pastel colored Lehenga for women while men can opt for a formal suit or a simple kurta-pajama for comfort and style. 

Karahi Chadana (Sharing of Food)

Five days before the wedding, Sikh families will bring out a large Karahi or Wok, which is then placed in the center of the kitchen. Over the course of all five days, every meal (both sweet and savory) will be cooked in that Karahi for everyone to enjoy.

The Warna

An example of a ceremony that may take place during this time is called the Warna, or the blessing of money. During this practice, individuals will wave money clockwise over the couples’ heads and then donate it to charity. This is done with the purpose of cleansing any negative energy that may be surrounding the bride and groom. 

- What to Wear 

Almost any style of your choice can be worn during these five days, however it may be a good idea to go with a lehenga or suit and kurta-pajama just to create an ease of movement and make for gorgeous pictures. Be sure to wear something that you won’t mind getting a little dirty as the next few practices may stain them! 

Mehndi (Application of Henna)

An absolutely vital part to any Sikh wedding ceremony is the Mehendi ceremony. During this romantic and celebratory event, the bride sits down and gets intricate Henna paste designs painted onto her hands, arms, feet, and shins. The whole time she is surrounded by her female friends and family who celebrate her soon-to-be union through song, dance, and a night of fun festivities. It is a Punjabi belief that the darker the henna prints are upon a bride’s skin, the more love she will receive from her in-laws.

At one time it was the female family members who applied the henna for the bride, but nowadays henna artists are typically hired to perform the application in order to free up everyone to have a good time. This also allows other females in attendance to get beautiful henna designs applied to their skin as well. 

For the Groom

While the Mehndi is typically a major ceremony for only the bride and her female companions, a smaller Mehndi can also occur at the groom’s home as well. Usually it is just a simple design that is applied to the palms, but it does add a special connection to his bride that we are sure each groom must cherish. 

- What to Wear

There are a couple of things to consider when dressing for the Mehndi. Henna is quite dark, so bright and vibrant colored clothes (such as pink, orange, yellow, or blue) contrast perfectly and bring out the entire beauty of the design. You’ll want to wear something comfortable and light as it will be a bit difficult to move without disturbing the henna.

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Maiya and Gharoli (Cleansing Ceremony)

Traditionally, this special ceremony is performed at least three times before the official wedding day- once two days before, again the morning before, and lastly for the wedding morning. 

Filled with family, yellow paste, and classic Punjabi wedding songs, the Maiya is a cleansing practice which helps to beautify the couple before their big day. At one time, it was a rule that once the bride and groom had been cleansed, they couldn’t leave the house again until the morning of the wedding. This is no longer followed to the same extreme, but the purpose of such a rule was to make sure the bride and groom were protected up until the wedding day- it also may have helped in building the suspense! 

Steps to Beauty

When beginning the Maiya, the bride/groom will sit down on an east-facing stool in the garden, usually located near an ornate sand design on the ground called a ragnoli. The artwork is created by either side of the family and adds a beautiful element to the overall scene. After the ceremony, it will be turned into a paste that is then used to decorate the outside of the home in celebration! 

Once the bride and groom are seated, a few dabs of oil are applied to their forehead and a bright yellow turmeric paste (called vatna) is applied to their face, neck, hands, and feet. During this process, a red cloth (or dupatta) will be held above their heads with the female relatives holding each corner of the cloth. Any other female guests present will sing traditional wedding songs to make for a merry mood.

Because the Maiya is all about fun and happiness, it isn’t uncommon to see individuals getting the vatna on any bare skin available amidst fits of laughter. Individuals take turns applying the vatna and after it has all been applied the mother of the bride or groom will try to feed them a rice and sugar mixture, which is typically thwarted by the sister-in-law of the family. This is all in good fun and eventually everyone will have a chance to taste the rice and sugar mixture as good luck for those who have yet to get married themselves! 

Gaana 

To provide an extra blessing to the couple, this tradition calls for a red thread to be tied on the left wrist of the bride, and the right wrist of the groom. Everyone else at the event will also receive a thread to wear.

Cleansing 

When the morning of the wedding finally arrives, it is tradition for a sister-in-law to visit a nearby gurudwara to get some water. She will carry an earthen pot known as a Gharoli to carry the holy water back to the house safely. Once she arrives, the water is then used to clean the turmeric paste off of the bride/groom, thus preparing them for the wedding. A regular bath can then be taken after that, but the act of the Charoli cleansing is one of great importance to tradition! 

- What to Wear 

Bright colors in more saturated hues, such as pink and yellow, are perfect complements to the turmeric paste and make pictures look phenomenal! Traditional clothing is absolutely encouraged here as it is a traditional ceremony of beautification; just be sure to pick something that you feel most comfortable in and don’t mind having a little bit stained. 

Wedding Morning Preparations

The day has finally arrived! But the pre-ceremonies don’t end here. Even though the wedding is only a few hours away, Sikh culture still squeezes in plenty of fun and meaningful ceremonies that make the day memorable down to the last moment. 

- What to Wear 

The ever important question now comes down to what one wears during these events. A very simple answer is to just say wedding day attire, however we will cover this in more detail within our article “Wedding Highlight: The Beauty of A Sikh Celebration”. 

Jago (Staying Awake)

Even though this ceremony begins the night before, it is actually carried over into the morning and is thus an extremely important part of kicking off a Sikh wedding day. During the Jago evening, the bride and groom (along with their families) will gather in their separate homes and stay up all night long, or at least until very early in the morning. Accompanied by song and dance, brass, copper, or earthen jars are filled with candles and placed on the heads of the women attending. As they dance, a grand celebration of all those invited to the wedding is enjoyed!

Such a ceremony is remembered because at one time, before modern invitations were created, the Jago was a way to invite people of town to join the wedding the next day. Instead of just being within their homes, the family would go out into the night with their vessels of light and leave them around town as an open invitation. Although this isn’t practiced now, it is still a wonderful way to honor the tradition.

Overall, the Jago is meant to be a noisy, merry night and it is one that many individuals look forward to.

Chooda Chadhana and Kalire (Blessing of Bangles)

Similar to the American tradition of “something borrowed, something blue”, the Chooda Chadhana is a special event for the bride in which she receives a particular set of 21 red and ivory bangles. These are traditionally given to her by the eldest maternal uncle after the bangles have been purified in a bath of milk and rose petals. As the bride is not supposed to see the bangles until the moment of her wedding, her face and head will be covered during the ceremony. 

Along with his wife, the maternal uncle will then put the bangles on the bride’s hands as other elder family members touch each bangle in blessing. Flower petals are then sprinkled over the bride’s head while she receives her wedding Lehenga from her uncle. Lastly, the sister-in-law, female friends, and sisters of the bride will help to tie the Klaire (which are umbrella shaped ornaments that are typically covered in coconut or dried fruit) to her wrists or the bangles. These will be used later in the ceremony to determine which girl gets married next.

Sarbala (Caretaker of the Groom)

While the bride is getting ready, the groom is also busy preparing for the wedding ceremony. Generally, a young boy will be assigned to help the groom get ready and he receives the title of Sarbala. This young man will always be with the groom and even dresses similar to his wedding attire. After helping the groom get ready, the Sarbala will accompany the groom to the wedding location. 

Sehra and Varna Ceremonies (A Family’s Blessing)

Before the groom departs his home, however, his father and sister must first give their blessing. During this ceremony, the groom’s father helps to tie a turban into place. After wrapping the turban carefully, the groom’s father then hands him a fake sword that is to be carried throughout the entire wedding ceremony. Lastly, the groom’s sister will tie a Sehra (a curtain made of gold ribbons, flowers, or even pearls) around the turban to cover the groom’s face. A black dot of kohl will then be placed on the side of his forehead to ward off any negative energy; this is traditionally done by the sister-in-law. As the groom is preparing to leave for the wedding, he must first present a gift to his sister in exchange for passage through the door.

Ghodi Charna (The Groom’s Transportation)

Once the groom is outside, it is time to get transportation to the venue! Traditional grooms would typically ride a mare, but in more modern tradition, the transportation usually involves a vehicle. After getting close to where the wedding will take place, the groom can switch to a mare and ride it the rest of the way. Usually this horse is highly decorated and fed with chana dal (lentils) and water. After mounting the mare, the groom will make his way to the bride, accompanied by a procession of music and dance. 

Progression to the Wedding

It is easy to see how weddings for the Sikh/Punjabi are something extremely special. From day one, a celebration of love and union is highlighted through tradition and family. Combine that with peppy music and elaborate dance, and there is no doubt that Sikh pre-wedding celebrations are meant to be both memorable and magical.