All the Details of a Pakistani Wedding
Wedding Day Highlights!
Most weddings can be described as intimate, but when it comes to Pakistani weddings, the word takes on a whole new meaning. Almost something from a fairy tale, a Pakistani wedding embodies the idea of trusting someone with your heart entirely and hopes for that “love at first sight” story that we all know and adore.
Just like with many other Indian weddings, anyone who participates in a Pakistani ceremony can expect to see beautiful colors, elaborate outfits, and gorgeous details that will truly take your breath away. Whether the family decides to have a close-knit backyard wedding with only dear family and friends or go all out with a venue and a large guest list, there is no doubt that a Pakistani wedding is ready to make the event a memorable one.
Let’s first take a look at the pre-wedding ceremonies and what is involved in the couple’s engagement.
Pre-Wedding Ceremonies
With any Indian wedding, a lot of preparation goes into making sure everything will be perfect for the bride and groom! Because of this, most of these ceremonies take place months before the wedding and slowly progress down to being the day before (such as with the Mayoun/Ubtan ceremony).
What to Wear: Because many of these pre-ceremonies happen with just family, nothing too extravagant is required. The couple may choose to wear something brightly colored in order to make a good impression, but casual clothing and simple jewelry are plenty when attending any of these events.
We can save most of the really elaborate attire for the big day, but a few ceremonies near the end will definitely have more of a dress code!
First Meeting
Whether a marriage is arranged or the couple has found each other on their own, the very first step to any Pakistani marriage is the first meeting. During this event, it is traditional for the groom’s family to meet with the bride’s family and initiate getting to know one another.
Usually, the bride won’t be present while this conversation is happening as it’s an opportunity for the groom’s family to talk about their son and his skills and ambitions. The bride may make an appearance to serve some tea, but otherwise, this event is all about the groom making a good impression! As can be imagined, the bride’s family won’t give in too easily to letting their daughter go and may even encourage another meeting before completely agreeing to the union.
Once both sides are happy that the pair will be a good match, the official journey towards getting married can begin! Just like with any marriage, however, an official proposal from the groom is needed.
Proposal
Unlike western proposals where the groom is in charge of the planning, for a Pakistani union, it is actually his family that will take the official step. On behalf of their son, the groom’s family will present the bride’s family with gifts and mitai, which is a delicious selection of Asian milk sweets. As the families have already discussed the union previously, the bride’s family will most likely accept this offering in a ceremony that is known as zabaan, and the couple will officially be engaged!
Mangni (Engagement Party)
While at one time rings may not have been part of the Pakistani tradition, they are now commonly exchanged between the couple. During the magni (or engagement party) the groom’s family will approach the bride and ask for her hand in marriage, providing a ring from the groom. Once she accepts, prayers and blessings for the couple will be recited as a cake is cut for everyone to share! Now the wedding date can be set and planning can officially begin.
Choosing the Wedding Support
Typically, when we think of the wedding party, we assume that the bride and groom will select a few of their closest friends to stand by their side on the wedding day. For a Pakistani wedding, the principle is the same, however, it is the parents of each individual who will help in choosing who the bridesmaid and best man will be. Typically these are people who the family has deemed prepared enough to efficiently assist the bride and groom on their big day (perhaps a sibling or a very close family friend). To officially seal the choosing, each family will bring the selected individuals some sweets as part of the formal tradition.
Dholki (Groom’s Dance)
A few weeks before the official wedding, it is traditional for women to gather in the groom’s house for a celebration of the engagement! Accompanied by dance and music, this ceremony is called the dholki due to the fact that a percussion instrument known as the Dholki was usually a big hit during this event.
Usually hosted at a couple of different households, the idea of this ceremony is to build up excitement for the marriage and create a bond between the bride and groom. While everyone is invited, the bride’s family typically doesn’t attend the dholki as being too happy about giving their daughter away may not be the message they want to impress upon people. So, although they are happy for their daughter, they usually let her enjoy this time without them and get to know her future husband and his family better.
Mehndi (Henna Ceremony)
In the past, the application of henna was just something done strictly for the ladies. A few days before the wedding ceremony, the bride’s closest female family and friends would gather in her home to practice mehndi (or the henna ceremony) and sing songs while getting intricate designs painted onto their skin.
Nowadays, while this tradition is still much loved, it has changed to also include the groom and many other people! In a fun and exciting party with music and dance, Pakistani couples will get henna applied together while doing their best to beat each other in dance-off competitions.
To start off the event, the bride and groom will enter the home with their families- each being covered with a scarf. To ward off any bad luck, the families will be led by a few girls tasked with carrying tea lights on platters. This is purely to add atmosphere to the grand entrance and bring attention to the bride and groom. Lastly, the mother and grandmother of each member will be covered in a beautiful scarf to symbolize modesty and show great happiness in the family being joined. This is similar to handing someone a bouquet of flowers in thanks or congratulations, so it’s definitely a beautiful touch to the ceremony.
Once everyone has danced to their heart’s content and the henna designs have dried, it is time to bring the mehndi to a close. Traditionally, the female guests are offered a goody bag of mehndi cones and a sweet treat to take home with them as a reminder of this special day.
There is no doubt that this entire event is a marvelous way to get excited for the wedding day, while also building relationships and many smiles along the way.
What to Wear: Yellows and greens are a common theme for the mehndi. While it doesn’t matter what style of clothing you wear, whether elaborate or casual, the color will definitely be something to consider! For anyone who plans on getting henna applied, be sure to wear minimal jewelry and something comfortable as you’ll want to avoid heavy materials that could mess up the design.
Mayoun/Ubtan (Beautification)
Following the engagement-and about a week before the wedding-the bride is usually encouraged to stay inside and even asked to just relax (getting out of household chores) so that she can prepare for her big day. This is of course something that most people would love to do and it’s a great opportunity for the bride to mentally prepare for the important change that is coming into her life! During this time, the bride and groom are specifically kept from seeing each other to build suspense for the wedding and make their ceremony that much more special. It is during the mayoun that beautification begins and both individuals prepare to look their best for their union.
Donning outfits of bright yellow, both the bride and groom will partake in the ubtan ceremony from their individual homes. This is when a paste of sandalwood powder, turmeric, oils, and herbs is applied to the skin every day up until the day of the wedding. Tradition calls for this as the mixture is designed to enhance beauty and cause the skin to glow, thus enhancing the natural features of each individual.
What to Wear:
As mentioned above, yellow is the preferred color for the ubtan ceremony as it is bright, stunning, and captures attention easily. It also is the same color as the turmeric used in the paste, which can help with any concern over staining when the mixture is applied. For any accessories, some brides choose to wear elaborate jewelry, while others go with simple earrings and a headpiece. Whatever the case may be, the overall theme could be considered yellow, simple, and comfortable.
Gharoli (Preparation of the Groom)
The evening before Barat is all about getting the groom ready. His family will gather together to help him prepare as a Mahraj (or as the Bride Groom). This ceremony involves a number of different elements that mainly highlight the groom’s mother and sisters. Each step of this ceremony carries so many symbols, making it extremely important to the Pakistani culture.
To begin the ceremony, the groom’s mother will tie a turban neatly around his head to symbolize importance and leadership, which will then be followed by covering his shoulders with a sparkly scarf to represent modesty. His sisters won’t wait long before jumping into the ceremony as well by walking the groom around the room while letting flowers fall upon his head to symbolize their happiness and joy of his marriage.
Traditionally, the sisters were in charge of gathering water for the groom’s morning bath, so to symbolize this, water pots called a Khara will be carried on each of the sisters’ heads as the room is filled with drummers and songs to keep pace as the party walks. The next morning, the groom will actually take a bath per tradition, and when he comes back into the room, he will present his sister with money as thanks for their help in the preparation.
During the evening of the Gharoli, relatives will present gifts to the groom. These gifts can include items such as clothing, jewelry, cologne, and gold rings for the groom and his mother. These rings are precious as it is an honoring of the groom’s mother, who has done so much to bring him up as the man he is today! The groom’s mother will continue to celebrate her son’s achievements by supporting his bride. During this time of gift-giving, she will set out a group of presents for the bride known as the Bari, which typically includes clothes, jewelry, toiletries, and homeware to help the bride feel welcome once she arrives. A set of presents from the bride’s family will also be included and are known as the Daaj. These are usually homeware items intended to set up the bride for a happy home once she and her husband are married.
Wedding Day Ceremonies
Once all of the pre-wedding festivities have taken place, the big count-down comes to an end and the wedding day arrives! Just like any Indian wedding, there are many traditions that take place during a Pakistani wedding that are intended to celebrate the union of the bride and groom.
What to Wear:
As the wedding day is the most important out of all the ceremonies, it can be expected to see elaborate, brightly colored attire. According to tradition, the bride will wear either a red or dark purple dress that is tastefully paired with beautiful gold jewelry. For the groom, his attire will consist of a sherwani and turban that usually matches the color of the bride’s dress.
Let’s take a look at the most common Pakistani wedding day ceremonies, starting with the most important!
Nikkah (Marriage Contract)
When it comes to the official signing of the marriage contract, known as the Nikkah, there are a couple of different ways this can be accomplished. For some couples, a small intimate backyard ceremony is all that’s needed to kick off the wedding day. For others, a large ceremony complete with many guests in attendance is the vibe that really makes their day feel real.
Whatever the case may be, the Nikkah must take place for the couple to officially be married and it can occur either at the beginning shortly after the engagement, or after all the other pre-wedding ceremonies. When it occurs is purely up to the couple and their families! During the Nikkah, the bride and groom will sign the marriage contract in front of at least two witnesses. The groom will provide a dowry to the bride as a way to provide financial security and prove to her family that he intends to take care of their daughter. After this straightforward exchange, the rest of the ceremony traditions take place.
Once the Nikkah has been completed, it’s time for the unveiling ceremony known as Muhn Dikhai. This is when the groom reveals his bride’s face and they share their first meal together- typically a couple of delicious Asian sweets. Family and friends will congratulate the couple and per tradition, the groom’s family will provide the bride’s family with a scarf full of gifts and healthy sweets. Once the bride’s family has opened the gifts, they will replace them with some of their own and return it to the groom’s family in thanks. This little parcel is called the Choor and it is a fun way for the two families to come together as one! Finally, the Nikkah ceremony will be concluded with a fun tradition where the bride’s family will throw paint on the groom’s family to confirm that the marriage is sealed and the wedding festivities will take place.
Baraat (Arrival of the Groom)
Whether this ceremony is done before or during the official wedding day, there is a major tradition that will take place no matter what. And that is the Baraat! This important event is when the groom makes his way to the wedding venue in order to receive his bride, and it’s quite the ordeal.
Surrounded by his family and friends, the groom will set off towards his bride’s home on the back of a fabulous white mare. The journey is flamboyant with music and dancing that would make anyone smile in excitement! Typically, despite how long the journey to the bride’s house may be, it is traditional for a member of the groom’s family to stop the processional long enough to come by their home for snacks. After everyone has refreshed themselves, the party will continue on to the wedding venue and the bride.
Once the Baraat arrives, the real party begins! The groom’s family starts everything off with a bang (literally) as fireworks explode into the sky and the rhythm of drums sets the mood for dancing. Usually the groom doesn’t take part in the dances since he’s on a horse, but there’s no doubt he soaks in the energy of everyone around him as he anxiously awaits the arrival of his bride. Within the bride’s home, her family will welcome the guests with garlands of flowers and rose petals as they enter the location.
Dhood Pilai (The Sisterly Guard)
Before the groom can enter, however, the bride’s sisters will keep him busy by demanding some money, which is a ceremony known as the Dhood Pilai. This is a fun way for the bride’s sisters to bond with the groom and have a few good laughs before continuing on with the rest of the day! Once he has paid an amount they find sufficient, the groom is allowed to enter the residence and is given a glass of milk.
Finally, he can head towards his bride, however, the sisters won’t give up so easily. Before he actually sits near his bride, he will have to pay another sum of money, which of course, will lead to more playful bantering!
Shaadi (Bridal Reception)
As the Baraat is occurring, the bride will also be supported by her own troupe of family and friends. Many people will be in attendance to support her as her husband-to-be arrives and the festivities are full of fun to help build relationships among the people in attendance.
Since most couples don’t know each other before getting married, tradition has created a few games to help bring the families together. One such game is known as “shoe snatching” and it is a tradition where the groom’s shoes will be stolen by the bride’s family and friends in order to create another bartering situation that is silly and fun. This helps to break the ice and create an atmosphere of comfort for the couple to get to know each other better!
Another example of such a tradition is the Churi ceremony. During this event, one of the bride’s sisters will present the groom with a plate of buttered chappati. This is to symbolize that the groom is always welcome within the bride’s home and her sisters will always be happy to feed him when he arrives. However, to make it more like a game, the sister will cover the plate of chappati with another plate and tease the groom into trying to remove the plate. Only after he successfully gets the top plate out of the way will he be able to eat the food. As can be imagined, many laughs are shared over this game! The treats can then be passed around for others to enjoy while the festivities are taking place.
Once everyone has eaten and the day’s activities come to an end, it’s time for the bride to be sent off properly by her family.
Rukhsati ( Departure of the Bride)
The departure of the bride is one of the most emotional ceremonies in the entire Pakistani wedding line up. This is because the bride is at the point in her day where she leaves her family’s home to officially be a part of her husband’s household. As she walks out of her parent’s house, the bride will pause on the doorstep to throw a handful of rice over head. This action is very symbolic as rice contains a lot of nutrients, so in Pakistani tradition, when the bride tosses the rice over her head she is symbolizing her leaving the nurturing of her mother to join a new family.
Once the rice has been tossed, the bride and groom will head towards their departure car. To keep the bride safe and to bless her, someone will walk behind her and hold the Qu’ran above her head until she arrives at the car.
At this point, the final goodbyes and waves will be shared with the bride’s family as the couple head off towards the groom’s house.
Welcome (Arrival to Groom’s Home)
Upon arriving at the groom’s house, the couple will be welcomed with open arms and a few special ceremonies designed to make the bride feel comfortable. To begin, the family will help the bride and groom open up to one another by encouraging them to play a game of finding the ring. Basically, the game is exactly as it sounds, where the bride and groom will compete to see who can find a ring hidden inside a bowl of milk the fastest. There is no real prize to this competition aside from a few good laughs and a closer companionship!
As the event continues, one of the heartwarming ceremonies involves the groom’s youngest brother. Regardless of his age, this younger brother will sit near the bride and either sit on her lap (if he’s young enough) or rest his hand on her knee. The bride will then give her new baby brother some money- this ceremony is just a fun way for both the bride and her new family to bond closer and accept the fact that they’re now relatives.
Suhaag Raat (Wedding Night)
Once their time at the groom’s house has passed, it’s traditional for the new couple to book a hotel for the night. This just allows them some privacy for their first evening together and enjoy some peace and quiet away from all the wedding festivities!
Walima (Reception)
Typically, the next day will be one of the biggest events next to the Baraat- the reception! During the Walima, family and friends will gather together at an elaborately decorated venue of the couple’s choice and party. There aren’t many traditions attached to this specific event, so the timeline will vary from couple to couple. There’s no doubt, however, that just like with any Indian style party, it will be an event full of color, good music, and amazingly choreographed dances!
What to Wear:
Attire can be as casual or as extravagant as the bride and groom would like. Whether traditional Pakistani style is to be showcased versus Western attire, the groom will undoubtedly match his bride in some way (either via tie or turban) while the bride arrives in a beautiful dress paired with tasteful jewelry. Because dancing will be a must, be sure to wear clothing that isn’t too heavy and can be easy to move in- pair this with comfortable shoes such as flats, or heels that can easily be removed.
Maklava (A Few Nights at Home)
On the night of the Walima it is customary for the bride to spend a couple of nights at her family home before departing for the honeymoon. This tradition was created because, in most cases, the bride and groom don’t know each other before getting married, so the Maklava gives the bride a bit of time to collect her things and ease her into news life with plenty of love and support.
Honeymoon (Quality Time)
While the honeymoon wasn’t a traditional event in Pakistani wedding history, it is now common practice for the new couple to take a week away from everyone to spend some quality time together. This is a wonderful idea as visiting new places is always fun, vacation is good for the soul, and bonding with your life partner is a must!
Chuathi (Family Dinner)
While the bride and groom are away, the bride’s family may host a dinner for the groom’s family on the 4th day after the wedding. This is a way for them to catch up and further become a bonded family. Since the bride and groom aren’t present, a large family gathering will have to wait until later- but it is definitely something that is on the list of to-do’s once the couple return.
And So, the Adventure Begins...
As with any marriage, the preparation and day of the wedding are an absolute whirlwind! But, we think it’s easy to see just how much goes into making a Pakistani wedding ceremony special- and we love every moment of it. From the well-rounded family events to detailed beautification ceremonies, everything about a Pakistani wedding is beautiful. With love and support from their family and friends, a new couple can set off on the adventure of a lifetime- all while knowing that back at home, they have people who will always be there.